Featured

Bitch Please

I grew up quickly and I knew what i wanted. But life just sucks and I ended up here.

23 and nothing but a shitty relationship to show for it and a semi decent job.

Why do this?

  • I am all about saying what you want and expressing how you feel.
  • SEX, Drugs, love, hate, all the crazy nonsense in between.
  • What i always say: “It makes sense if you don’t think about it”

Try and not lose yourself completely , otherwise you may be like me and keep trying to climb back out of the hole you dug yourself into.

I do this solely to put my life out there:

  • This will be random
  • Maybe my stories will help you
  • maybe they won’t
  • Maybe I really just don’t care

Real Love

Love is unusual. You really truly don’t know how you feel until some one is gone. I had a vivid bad dream where i lost 2 loved ones.

In my dream, It was any ordinary day. We just came back from a road trip, i went to work, and next thing i know i’m receiving a call from my boyfriends mom. She says that something happened. I run out of work, hoping everything is okay. i get to the emergency clinic. and the doctor come out to say my boyfriend’s injuries from a car accident are too severe and he past away. I stood there, unable to determine whether it was real or i was relieved, relieved that he didn’t suffer much. I was in shock. I left, i didn’t see him, i couldn’t. Then i started wondering about all the photos we’ve taken with each other and all the memories we’ve had over the years. I would never be able to have more of those. I ended up at my sisters house. She was unknowing, talking about what business she is going into. I stood there and broke down. she held me. Next thing i know i receive another call that my child hood friend from eons ago died of a heart attack, he was like my little brother. I was devastated…

I remember tossing and turning in bed as my alarm went off to go to work. I felt wetness go down my face. I was crying and felt like my world collapsed. I picked up my phone and called my boyfriend to just hear his voice. I thought the unheard of had happened and that he gone. it’s 6:30am and i woke him up, he heard the sadness in my voice was instantly alert. He asked what was wrong, so i told him that i had a bad dream where he died, and I told him that i love him. He said i love you too, i’m okay. He heard me crying. Its okay. Then he joked, ” See this is why you should have stayed over last night.” I laughed and said that i need to go to work.

it’s weird that when someone leaves you whether in real life or even a dream. we learn where our feeling truly stand. I’ve always had uncertainty in my relationships not sure if its going to get better or if this is it. And what my dream showed me is that i am able to love someone so much and to tell them that they mean the whole world to me.

Half Endless

Darkness behind the eyes, mind still racing.

Awake and strattling the abyss.

Body un-moving.

Exhaustion.

Nothing quiet to the images.

unwillfully unwilling.

Black Rose

Sadness flows through the room. Death escapes the last breathes. Stillness envelopes the lonely heart, preying the love around, drifting to a different plain of existence. The aftermath, it reaches in and devours the last sane thought as tears cascade to oblivion.

In the corner the body lays there; cold and broken, no dreams left to spare. The gloved hands grab the lifeless body, wrap it up like a doll being shipped off to be repaired. Jostling it, and hurrying out so no one can see the corpse again.

Thoughts flowing through the heads of those left behind, the rain fall clouding their heads. Forgiveness needed and wanted; to never be received.

Praying that dead are resting as they return back to dust.

One day..

One day.. i want just one day, all about me.

Is that selfish?

Well, i mean, i want just one special day that makes me feel beautiful and wanted and forever loved. I want to be the center of attention and to live in the beauty of it all.

I want all the “oooo”‘s and “Ahhh”‘s. One day i wish for the dress of my dreams, and all the smiles and laughter of the day. I want peace and harmony, with out the criticism and jealousy. I want to be admired, not for what i wear or how i look, but for the way I am.

I want true love that is not malicious or cruel, but heartwarming, and feels like home.

I want you.. you know who.

Next

DRIP. DRIP. DRIP

WOOSH

The howling sorrow of wind echoing through the deep forest. The remorseful sink in the log cabin. Crackling dead trees bursting with light, trying to warm those hearts frozen in the iceberg of emotion. Then with vengeful might, the book closes as so no more horrors could escape.

Hate is a Useless Emotion

Hate can either rile you up or stifle your growth.

Basically, all you’ll end up doing is hurting your self and those around you.

If you can’t deal with that person then let go and move on. It’s hard sometimes, but in the end it’s worth it. Stop being stupid.

Turn your hate to Love, your life will be better for it. and at that the end of the day, just know that I love you. ❤

Golden

Written on 1/2/2012 

Enter into the Golden Lantern Inn.  I sat waiting, looking around. It’s been at least 15 years since I’ve been here last. The smells of sweet cinnamon and mint tea leaves swelled in my nose. Then a young man came up to me. He wanted to know how I gained my fortune. And so I told him how it started….  

On May 22, 1598 havoc broke loose on Wales in Britain. The Duke had ordered his soldiers to destroy and kill everything and everyone within it. He believed they would rebel against him. Only few snuck away. 

1609– My name is Elizabeth Turner. I’m 21 years old and I just discovered the name of the man whom killed my parents when I was 10. He’s a soldier named Sam Henry. I have been trying to seek the whereabouts of the Duke whom is an evil, devious man. The Duke presents himself as a harmless being, but underneath he is a murderous, selfish, disgusting pig. For he was the one who ordered to have my parents and people killed. I despise him, and I plan to take everything he has ever loved away from him, just the way he did to me. And just to start off I will take his “precious” gold. But first, I must learn where he puts his treasury…. 

I was under the alias of Samantha Dagmar, a lowly servant girl, in the duke’s castle. I searched almost every part of the castle, but with no luck. The only part I haven’t checked yet was the Duke’s sanctuary, bedroom. The only way I’d be able to get in there, is if I was one of his mistress’ he always takes advantage of, but for me to be a betrayal to myself would never happen. Instead, I entered as an act that I’d clean the filth in there. As soon as I entered the room, the wretched stench filled my nose, and what was oxygen was dowsed with an overload of cologne. I wanted to bolt, but right when I was going to bolt out of the room, I heard a couple of voices down the hall, I froze. They were whispering back and forth. I only caught a couple of lines of what they were saying.  

“..We must make sure every bit of that gold is on that ship tonight…” 

“But sir…” 

“Shh… we don’t want everyone knowing.” 

“But sir, won’t the Duke suspect his treasury to be missing? I mean doesn’t he check it at least twice a day?” 

“.. That’s why we must move out at mid night tonight; get the men set, so we can get out of here before he realizes it’s in America…. Besides he’ll be too busy feeling up those sleazy whores tonight, so we got enough time to get 12 hours behind us.”  

As they walked by I caught a glimpse of the men. The tall one, I assumed as the leader, had a savvy way about him. He had strawberry blonde hair, dark blue eyes, and a lean body. The one next to him was a bit shorter but had the same lean body. They were both dressed in soldier uniforms. Something was pulling the back of my mind, like I knew the tall man, but just couldn’t put my finger on it. At that moment, I made a split decision to follow them. I figured if they had the gold, then I could stowaway on their ship, find their hide out, and sneak the gold away little by little.  

At midnight, I went to the loading docks; I could see the men loading the ship quickly. I crept closer to the ship, out of sight, trying to find a way to get in. I was by some crates, when I spotted one empty; I climbed in, hoping I was unseen. While waiting to be carried on the ship, I heard footsteps by the crates; they lifted me up vigorously, and then dropped me turning their attention elsewhere. As I hit the floor, the pain traveled up my arm excruciatingly. As soon as I knew it, I was lifted up again and started moving sideways and upwards. The journey seemed longer than I expected, soon I was in the cargo department. And we were off to America.  

For a woman to be on a ship, with over a hundred men is very hard, especially if she is trying to keep out of sight.  I hid under the bunkers and scraped my food from leftovers left on plates that I found.  It may seem impossible to stay out of sight, which it was, but I managed. It took one month and a fortnight to get to America. We had arrived in Virginia. Once we were docking, I slid down to the cargo department and back in to my crate. I was carried to shore. I quickly emptied out of the crate before they came back. As I watched them from behind a wagon, I caught the eyes of a very handsome man. His eyes seemed familiar. I stood there watching the men put heavy crates on wagons and just as I was going to sneak on to one, the man with the wondrous eyes came behind me. 

He asked, “What’s your name miss?” 

I told him, “Eli… Elizabeth.” But before he could reply I ran as fast as the wind in the direction the wagons were going. He didn’t follow. 

The wagon stopped just in front of a little house, to the looks of it. Above the door was a lantern, a gold one to be exact. That’s when I realized the sign hanging before it, and that the little “house” was actually an Inn. Then I noticed the men going round back with the crates. I crept behind them and saw an underground tunnel that they put the crates in, I entered.  

It was dark and damp, I crept closer; then all of a sudden a huge man ran passed me, looked at my face, but kept running. I heard voices at the end of the tunnel. As I descended down the passage way, I discovered that the tunnel was a water way and that soon we’d be under a flood. I rushed out before they could see me and then I was grabbed by the arm and before I could turn around, I heard the voice of the man, and It startled me. For it was familiar, yet seemed only like a dream so many years ago.  

Eleven years have passed, thinking that my father was dead, and suddenly without even thinking of the hope, he’s standing behind me. I stopped. The single word slipped out. “Dad.” His grip loosened. He backed away slowly; I turned toward him. 

“Elizabeth?” 

“Dad….? I… I thought.. I thought you were dead.” 

“..Elizabeth… is… is that really you?” He reached out to me; I hesitated a little, and then gave in. His embrace felt like an old memory, sweetly developing a new one. We stood there for some time, until realizing the men surrounding us. My father was the first to let go and he went ahead and told me what really happened that distant night in Wales. 

My father heard about what the duke was going to do, so he came up with a plan to escape somewhere far off. He planned to have it look like one of the Duke’s soldiers killed him, that’s where Sam came in supposedly, but his plan went south when I started running away. He tried to reach me but I ran too fast. When I turned to look at my parents, I saw my mother get slain and my father attacked. He said that after he was attacked, some of his eldest friends that were still alive came to see if he was alive and they saw he was breathing. They took him to a hide out where they could await a ship and sail out to the distance without a trace. When he awoke they told him I was dead and also his wife.  I always thought they were both dead, and now I know my father is the only parent I have gained back.  

My father told me that after he found out I was dead; he sought revenge to the Duke. So for the past 11 years he has been creating a plan to take his riches and eventually destroy the Duke. But in the meantime, he had developed some land where he could hide his fortunes underground and overtime he built an Inn. And in memories he called it The Golden Lantern Inn, for we had a small gold lantern we’d carry at night when I was young. 

Today, was the first time in 14years I’ve stepped into this Inn, because shortly after a year of getting my father back he had gotten real sick and died. I couldn’t look at the place anymore so I traveled a little south, where I live with my husband and two girls. I came today, in memory of my father, he was a bright brilliant man, very loving and caring. He would have never left me if he didn’t have to.  And now he has supported me through all these years, one way or another…. 

The End 

Nothing

Sweat dripping down your back. Cool and humid air encompasses the tight knit of your body. The abyss of nothingness, where darkness finds and grasps you. Constantly drifting into a ball of hurt and worry. Jagged breath caressing the sound around you. Stepping back and floating down as the world encloses around you.

Whoosh.

That’s all that you hear.

Then… nothing.

All of a sudden, warmth finds you. and your only thought, ‘Will it last?’

Today

Today is a present

Laughter filled the air

Music flowed through my soul

Wild and free

Randomness enticed

Excitement and adventure

On a new journey, there.. there the future we’ll see

Sunshine ☀️

You are beautiful

You are strong

Warmth radiates deep into my heart

Love shines and extends beyond all that I can see

Wishing and waiting while the dark invades as monsters roam

Bidding your time and meeting me once again

You are everything good

And I know that you will cycle once more, never wanting to go

You are my sunshine, my heart, and my soul

Design a site like this with WordPress.com
Get started